Decisions, decisions.

meri 2013.09.11

I’m torn about whether or not to actually be online today. 

I don’t need Facebook and pictures of flags or firefighters or police officers or the Twin Towers or the Pentagon or a field in Pennsylvania to remind me of that day.

I lived 7 minutes from the Pentagon, and could see the smoke from my apartment building.

I don’t need to be told how I should feel today.

My friend Ava and I, having grown frustrated with simply watching the news (the video, over and over again), finally went and volunteered at a Salvation Army depot, where the donations were pouring in. We spent hours making boxes and sorting the items to fill them.

I don’t need to be made to feel guilty for living my life, for taking joy in things today.

I volunteered at the National Zoo on the 15th, when the flags were still at half mast, when there were armored military vehicles blocking off streets, and armed soldiers on street corners, and the city was eerily silent.

I don’t need to be reminded what it is to be an American by people who only pull out their flags on the 4th of July and the 11th of September.  (Not saying this is you. But, if you feel a sudden twinge of guilt, think on that, please.)

I will never forget that day, 12 years ago. I carry it, and its aftermath, with me every day. So, if I (or others) don’t change a Facebook icon, or share George Takei’s photo, or the Washington Post’s memorial page, don’t think that we don’t grieve for all that we have lost on – and since – that day.